Top 12 'Co-Regulation' Activities to Try with Your Anxious Pet for a Calmer Household in 2025
Living with an anxious pet can feel like navigating a minefield of triggers. The sudden crash of a pot, the rumble of a distant thunderstorm, or even the doorbell ringing can send your beloved companion into a spiral of stress. You find yourself tiptoeing around, constantly trying to manage their environment, feeling a mix of empathy and helplessness as you watch them pant, pace, or hide. You've tried distraction, treats, and creating "safe spaces," but it often feels like you're only putting a bandage on a deeper issue.
What if the most powerful tool for calming your pet wasn't a new toy or supplement, but you? This is the core idea behind a concept that is revolutionizing how we approach pet anxiety: co-regulation. Simply put, co-regulation is the process where one individual's calm, stable nervous system helps to soothe and balance another's. It’s a two-way street of emotional connection. When you are calm, grounded, and present, your pet can "borrow" that sense of safety, learning over time how to regulate their own big feelings.
This isn't about simply "acting" calm; it's about genuinely cultivating a peaceful inner state that your pet can sense and sync with. By engaging in specific, intentional activities together, you can strengthen this connection, build incredible trust, and transform your home from a place of tension into a shared sanctuary of peace. Ready to start this journey? Here are 12 powerful co-regulation activities to try for a calmer household in 2025.
1. Rhythmic Petting & The 'Heartbeat Hug'
Rhythmic Petting moves beyond a quick scratch behind the ears. It's a mindful practice that uses slow, long, deliberate strokes to soothe your pet’s nervous system. Think about the steady, predictable rhythm of a lullaby. This type of touch stimulates the release of oxytocin—the "love hormone"—in both you and your pet, reducing cortisol (the stress hormone) and fostering a deep sense of connection and safety.
The key is your own state of mind. Before you begin, take a few deep breaths and release any tension in your shoulders. Start at your pet's head or neck and use a firm but gentle pressure, stroking all the way down their back in one continuous motion. Match the pace to your own slow, calm breathing. For the 'Heartbeat Hug,' if your pet is comfortable with it, gently hold them against your chest. Let your own slow, steady heartbeat and the gentle rise and fall of your chest become a calming anchor for them.
- Tip for Dogs: Many dogs find long, slow strokes along their flanks and spine particularly calming. Avoid patting, which can be overly stimulating.
- Tip for Cats: Pay close attention to their body language. Many cats prefer strokes around the head, cheeks, and under the chin. If they start twitching their tail or tensing up, it's time for a break.
2. Shared Deep Breathing (Breath Syncing)
Have you ever noticed how your pet seems to know when you're upset? They are incredibly attuned to our physiological cues, including our breathing. When we are stressed, our breathing becomes shallow and rapid. By consciously practicing deep, diaphragmatic breathing, you send a powerful signal to your pet that everything is okay.
Find a comfortable spot to sit or lie down on the floor near your pet. Place one hand on your belly and take a slow, deep breath in through your nose for four counts, feeling your belly expand. Hold for a moment, then exhale slowly through your mouth for six counts. Don't try to force your pet to participate. Simply let them be near you as you focus on your breath. Often, as you settle into this calm rhythm, you'll notice your pet's own breathing deepen and slow down as they begin to mirror your relaxed state.
- Pro-Tip: Try this for just 2-3 minutes during a calm moment each day to build the practice. When a stressful event (like a visitor arriving) occurs, you can then use this technique as a familiar, grounding ritual.
3. Mindful Brushing & Grooming
Grooming can be a source of stress for many pets, but when reframed as a co-regulation activity, it can become a soothing ritual. The goal is to transform it from a task to be completed into a moment of focused, gentle connection. This requires you to be fully present, tuning out distractions and focusing entirely on the sensory experience.
Choose a time when you and your pet are both relatively relaxed. Use a soft brush and start with very slow, gentle strokes in an area they enjoy being touched. Pay attention to the texture of their fur and the feel of the brush. Notice their reaction—a soft sigh, a lean into the brush, or heavy eyelids are all signs of relaxation. If you encounter a tangle, work on it gently or leave it for another time. Your calm, patient energy is more important than achieving grooming perfection.
- Example: Instead of trying to brush your whole dog at once, dedicate a five-minute session just to brushing one side. The next day, you can do the other. This keeps the experience positive and pressure-free.
4. 'Listen & Look' Walks (The Sniffari)
For many anxious dogs, a typical walk can be a barrage of overwhelming stimuli. A "Sniffari" flips the script. Instead of a goal-oriented march from Point A to Point B, the sole purpose of the walk is to let your dog explore the world through their most powerful sense: their nose. Sniffing is a naturally calming and decompressing activity for dogs.
Your role on a Sniffari is to be a quiet, observant anchor. Use a long line (15-30 feet) in a safe area like a quiet park or trail. Stand still and let your dog sniff to their heart's content. As they explore, practice your deep breathing and take in your surroundings. Your calm presence reassures them that they are safe to investigate the environment. You become their secure base, allowing them to de-stress and gather information at their own pace.
- Key Mindset: The walk is for your dog, not for you. Let go of any agenda about distance or pace. A 20-minute Sniffari can be more beneficial for an anxious dog than a 45-minute structured walk.
5. Reading Aloud in a Calm Voice
The steady, low-frequency cadence of a human voice can be incredibly soothing to animals. It’s not about the story you're reading, but the rhythmic, predictable sound you create. This is a fantastic option for pets who may not enjoy physical touch when they are feeling anxious, as it allows you to connect and offer comfort from a respectful distance.
Pick a book—any book—and find a comfortable spot near your pet's favorite resting place. Read in a soft, low, and even tone. Don't worry about being dramatic or entertaining. The goal is monotony in the best possible way. As you read, you’ll likely find that the act of focusing on the words and maintaining a steady rhythm calms your own nervous system, which in turn amplifies the soothing effect on your pet.
- When to Try It: This is a wonderful activity to incorporate into your evening routine to help your pet settle down for the night, or during a low-level stressor like a rainy day.
6. Calm Scent Work & Nose Games
Engaging your pet's brain is a powerful way to redirect anxious energy. Scent work, in particular, is an excellent choice because it taps into their natural instincts, builds confidence, and is inherently calming. The intense focus required for sniffing out a treat helps to quiet the part of the brain responsible for anxiety.
Start simple. Use a snuffle mat or simply toss a few high-value treats into a patch of grass and say "Find it!" in an encouraging tone. Your job is to stay calm and let them work. Don't hover or try to "help" them. Your quiet confidence communicates that you trust them to solve the puzzle. As their skills grow, you can move on to hiding treats in boxes or under cups around a room.
- DIY Tip: No snuffle mat? No problem. Take an old towel, lay it flat, sprinkle some treats on it, and then loosely roll or fold it up. Your pet will have a great time sniffing and unrolling the towel to find the rewards.
7. Parallel Play & Quiet Co-Existence
Sometimes, the most powerful way to co-regulate is to do nothing at all—together. In our busy lives, we often feel pressure to be constantly interacting with our pets. Parallel play is about sharing the same space in a calm, non-demanding way. It teaches your pet that your presence is a source of peace, not a cue for performance or high-energy interaction.
Set aside 10-15 minutes to simply be in the same room. You could read a book, listen to music with headphones, or do some gentle stretching. Provide your pet with a long-lasting chew or a favorite toy. The goal is to co-exist peacefully, each engaged in your own quiet activity. This non-demanding companionship reinforces your bond and helps your pet learn to settle in your presence.
- Insight: This practice is crucial for pets with separation anxiety, as it teaches them that they can be relaxed and independent even when you are home.
8. Gentle TTouch (Tellington TTouch)
Developed by animal expert Linda Tellington-Jones, TTouch is a specific method of gentle bodywork that can reduce stress and improve body awareness in animals. While the full methodology is extensive, you can incorporate some of its basic principles into your co-regulation toolkit. One of the most well-known techniques is the Clouded Leopard TTouch.
Using a very light pressure—just enough to move the skin—place your fingers on your pet’s body and make a gentle, one-and-a-quarter circle. Lift your fingers and move to an adjacent spot to repeat the circle. It's not massage; it's about bringing awareness to the body. Another simple TTouch is the Ear Slide. Gently hold the base of your pet’s ear between your thumb and forefinger and slowly slide all the way to the tip. This can be incredibly calming as the ears contain numerous acupressure points.
- Important Note: Your mindset is everything. Be slow, mindful, and breathe. Watch your pet’s reaction carefully and always stop if they show signs of discomfort.
9. Joint Stretching or "Doga"
No, you don't need to put your Chihuahua in a complex yoga pose! This is about sharing the calming energy of your own stretching practice. When you stretch, you are consciously releasing physical tension and regulating your breath—a perfect state for co-regulation.
Lay a yoga mat on the floor and begin some simple, gentle stretches like a cat-cow or a child's pose. Invite your pet to be on or near the mat with you. Don't force them into any positions. Simply let them observe or lie beside you. As you move through your stretches, focus on your deep, rhythmic breathing. Your pet will pick up on your tranquil energy. They might even do their own version of "downward dog" alongside you!
- Bonding Moment: Incorporate a few slow, rhythmic pets or a soft word of praise when they settle near you. This reinforces the mat as a shared space of calm.
10. Creating a 'Calm Corner' Together
Most anxious pets benefit from having a den-like safe space, but we can elevate this by making its creation and maintenance a shared, positive activity. This turns the space from a potential retreat of fear into a sanctuary of co-regulation.
Choose a quiet, low-traffic corner and place a comfortable bed or an open crate there. Spend time in that area with your pet during calm moments. Sit on the floor nearby and read your book (see #5), or offer them a special chew toy that they only get in that spot. Use a soft, soothing voice whenever you are near the Calm Corner. This process, which my colleague Goh Ling Yong often refers to as "positive association building," helps your pet see the space as a source of comfort intrinsically linked to your calming presence.
- Tip: You can enhance the Calm Corner with a pheromone diffuser (like Adaptil for dogs or Feliway for cats) or by placing an old t-shirt that smells like you inside their bed.
11. The 'Blink-and-Yawn' Game
Co-regulation is about communication, and a powerful way to communicate safety is to learn and speak your pet's language. Slow blinks in cats and yawns or "lip licks" in dogs are calming signals. They are ways that animals tell each other, "I am not a threat, I am relaxed." When you mirror these signals, you are sending a clear message of peace.
When you make eye contact with your cat, slowly close your eyes for a few seconds and then open them again. This is the feline equivalent of a warm, trusting smile. If they blink back, you've just had a wonderful, connecting conversation. For dogs, when they seem a little tense, avert your gaze slightly, give a big, slow, exaggerated yawn, and maybe lick your lips. This can de-escalate a situation and show them that you are feeling loose and relaxed.
- Context is Key: Don't stare down your dog while doing this, as direct eye contact can be confrontational. It's about soft glances and gentle, intentional body language.
12. Shared Music Therapy
Sound has a profound impact on the nervous system. While loud, unpredictable noises are a major source of anxiety, specific types of music can be incredibly grounding. Research has shown that classical music, particularly pieces with a slow tempo, can reduce stress behaviors in kenneled dogs. There is also music specifically designed for pets, often using simple arrangements and species-specific tempos.
Create a "Calm" playlist for your pet. During a quiet time of day, play the music at a low volume and simply sit with your pet. You don't need to do anything else. Combine this with some Shared Deep Breathing or Rhythmic Petting for an even more powerful effect. The goal is to associate this music with a state of deep, shared relaxation. Over time, you can use this playlist proactively during potentially stressful events, like before you have guests over.
The Journey to a Calmer Home
Embracing co-regulation is a shift in perspective. It moves you from the role of a "manager" of your pet's anxiety to a "partner" in their well-being. It's a journey that requires patience, consistency, and, most importantly, a commitment to cultivating your own sense of calm. The beautiful result is not just a less anxious pet, but a deeper, more resilient bond built on a foundation of trust and mutual understanding.
Start small. Choose one or two of these activities that feel most authentic to you and your pet, and begin to weave them into your daily routine. The goal is not perfection, but presence. Every quiet moment you share is a step toward a more peaceful, harmonious household for everyone.
Now, I'd love to hear from you! Which of these co-regulation activities are you most excited to try with your furry friend? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
About the Author
Goh Ling Yong is a content creator and digital strategist sharing insights across various topics. Connect and follow for more content:
Stay updated with the latest posts and insights by following on your favorite platform!