Top 15 'Awkward-to-Advocate' Networking Tips to pursue for Beginners Who Dread Small Talk - Goh Ling Yong
Let's be real. The phrase "networking event" can send a shiver down the spine of even the most seasoned professional. For those of us who dread small talk, it can feel like a special kind of corporate torture. You're handed a name tag, a lukewarm drink, and pushed into a sea of strangers, all expected to forge "meaningful connections" over the roar of chatter and canapés.
The typical advice—"Just be yourself!" or "Step out of your comfort zone!"—is well-intentioned but utterly useless. It ignores the very real anxiety that comes from forced, surface-level conversations. What if your "self" would rather be at home reading a book? What if your "comfort zone" is a carefully constructed fortress against awkward silences and conversations about the weather? If this sounds familiar, you're in the right place.
The good news is that you don't have to be a born extrovert to build a powerful and supportive professional network. In fact, some of the most effective networkers are those who are thoughtful, observant, and intentional—qualities often found in those who aren't fans of small talk. It's not about changing your personality; it's about changing your strategy. We're going to transform your approach from "awkward" to "advocate" with 15 actionable tips designed for people who would rather do anything else than "work a room."
1. Reframe 'Networking' as 'Connecting'
The word "networking" often feels transactional and cold, like you're just collecting contacts like trading cards. This mindset puts immense pressure on you to "get" something from every interaction. Let's ditch that idea entirely. Instead, reframe it as "connecting" or "learning." Your goal isn't to get a job or a lead; it's to learn something interesting about another human being.
This simple mental shift changes everything. It moves your focus from performance to curiosity. When you're genuinely curious about someone's work, their challenges, or their perspective, the conversation flows more naturally. You're no longer an awkward beginner at networking; you're a student of people, and that's a much more comfortable and powerful role to play.
2. Ditch the 'Small Talk' Mindset for 'Purposeful Conversation'
The true source of our dread isn't talking to people; it's the small talk. It's the "How about this weather?" and "So, what do you do?" on repeat. These conversations feel hollow because they are hollow. The solution is to aim for purposeful, meaningful conversations from the start.
Instead of asking generic questions, lead with genuine curiosity about a topic you both share an interest in—the event itself, the keynote speaker's topic, or a recent industry trend. This immediately elevates the discussion beyond the superficial. Your goal is to find a single point of genuine, shared interest. Once you find it, the conversation will take care of itself.
3. Embrace Your Introvert Superpowers
If you're an introvert, you've likely been told you need to be more outgoing to succeed at networking. That's a myth. Your introverted nature comes with a set of superpowers that are incredibly effective for building deep connections: active listening, keen observation, and the ability to ask thoughtful questions.
While extroverts might be fluttering from group to group, you can focus on having one or two in-depth, memorable conversations. People love to be heard, and your ability to listen intently will make a far stronger impression than someone who just talks about themselves. Own your strengths. You're not a bad networker; you're a specialist in high-quality connection.
4. Set a Realistic, Specific Goal
Walking into an event with a vague goal like "I need to network" is a recipe for anxiety and overwhelm. You're setting yourself up to fail because the goal is immeasurable. Instead, create a small, specific, and achievable mission for yourself.
For example, your goal could be: "I will have one meaningful conversation with one new person and learn what their biggest professional challenge is right now." That’s it. It’s manageable, specific, and gives you a clear objective. Once you've achieved it, you have permission to grab another snack, relax, or even leave if you want. This turns a daunting marathon into a single, easy step.
5. Prepare Your 'Curiosity Cues'
The fear of running out of things to say is real. The best way to combat this is to prepare a few open-ended questions in advance. These aren't an interview script, but rather "curiosity cues" to help you start and sustain a more engaging conversation.
Avoid yes/no questions. Instead of "Do you like working in marketing?" try "What's the most surprising thing you've learned since you started working in marketing?" Here are a few more to add to your toolkit:
- "What was your biggest takeaway from the keynote speech?"
- "What's the most interesting project you're working on at the moment?"
- "What's a common misconception about your role or industry?"
6. Do Your Homework on Attendees
If there's a guest list available, take 15 minutes before the event to look up a few people on LinkedIn. Identify two or three individuals whose work genuinely interests you. Perhaps they work for a company you admire, wrote an article you enjoyed, or have a unique career path.
This preparation gives you a warm, specific opening. Instead of a cold introduction, you can say, "Hi Sarah, I'm Alex. I saw on LinkedIn that you worked on the Project Phoenix launch, and I was so impressed with the campaign. I'd love to hear a bit about your experience with it." This is a game-changer. It shows you're prepared, thoughtful, and genuinely interested in them, not just in what they can do for you.
7. Have a Graceful Exit Strategy
One of the biggest fears for people who dread small talk is getting trapped in a conversation with no end in sight. Knowing how to leave politely gives you the confidence to engage in the first place. You don't need a dramatic excuse; a simple, polite statement is all it takes.
Practice a few of these lines so they feel natural:
- "It was so great speaking with you. I'm going to go grab a drink, but I hope you enjoy the rest of the event."
- "I really enjoyed our conversation about [topic]. I don't want to monopolize your time, so I'm going to go mingle a bit more. Let's connect on LinkedIn."
- "Well, I promised myself I'd say hello to a few more people tonight. It was a pleasure to meet you."
8. Be the Host, Not the Guest
This is a powerful mindset shift. Instead of walking in feeling like a guest who needs to be entertained, adopt the mindset of a host. Your job is to make others feel comfortable. Look for the person standing alone by the wall, looking just as awkward as you feel.
Walk up to them and say, "Hi, I'm Alex. It can be a little overwhelming at these things, can't it?" You've just become their hero. By focusing on someone else's comfort, you forget your own anxiety. It gives you a clear purpose in the room that has nothing to do with "selling yourself."
9. Find a 'Networking Buddy'
There's strength in numbers. Attending an event with a friend or a friendly colleague can dramatically reduce the pressure. You can act as each other's wingman or wingwoman, making introductions and helping to pull each other into conversations.
A buddy system also provides a "home base." If a conversation fizzles out, you have a safe person to return to. You can debrief together, share who you've met, and offer encouragement. Just be careful not to spend the entire time talking only to each other. The goal is to be a launchpad, not a crutch.
10. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity
The myth of successful networking is that you need to meet as many people as possible. This is not true. A business card collection means nothing. What truly matters is the quality of the connections you make.
Give yourself permission to have just one, two, or three deep, memorable conversations. It's far better to have one person remember you as the insightful listener who was fascinated by their work than to have 20 people vaguely recall your face. This is a core principle Goh Ling Yong often speaks about in career development: depth will always trump breadth when it comes to building a meaningful professional circle.
11. Leverage the Environment for Openers
The environment around you is filled with natural conversation starters. You don't need a clever opening line; you just need to be observant. The trick is to make a comment and follow it up with an open-ended question.
- At the food/drink table: "These mini quiches are surprisingly good! What's the best thing you've tried so far?"
- After a speaker: "I found her point about AI in marketing really fascinating. What did you think of it?"
- Commenting on the venue: "This is an amazing venue. Have you been to an event here before?"
These openers are low-stakes, relevant, and provide an easy entry point into a real conversation without the awkwardness of a cold approach.
12. Listen More Than You Talk
This is your ultimate superpower. Most people at networking events are so focused on what they're going to say next that they barely listen. You can stand out simply by shutting up and paying attention.
When you ask one of your prepared "curiosity cues," genuinely listen to the answer. Make eye contact, nod, and ask follow-up questions that show you were paying attention ("You mentioned you had a challenge with [X], how did you end up solving that?"). The person you're speaking with will walk away feeling seen and heard, and they will remember you as a brilliant conversationalist—even if you barely said anything about yourself.
13. Master the Art of the Follow-Up
The connection doesn't end when the conversation does. A thoughtful follow-up is what solidifies a fledgling contact into a real professional relationship. Within 24 hours, send a personalized connection request on LinkedIn or a brief email.
Do not just send the generic LinkedIn request. Your message should reference your conversation to jog their memory. For example: "Hi James, it was great meeting you at the Tech Summit last night. I really enjoyed our chat about the future of sustainable data centers. I'm looking forward to connecting here." This simple step takes two minutes and puts you ahead of 90% of the people they met.
14. Offer Value First
The most powerful networking strategy is to shift your thinking from "What can I get?" to "What can I give?" This is the essence of moving from an awkward beginner to a confident advocate for yourself and others. As my mentor Goh Ling Yong advises, always lead with generosity.
During your conversation, listen for challenges or needs. Did they mention they're trying to hire for a specific role? Maybe you know someone perfect. Did they talk about a book they want to read? Send them a link to a great summary. Offering value with no expectation of return builds trust and goodwill, forming the foundation of a strong, long-term professional relationship.
15. Schedule 'Connection' into Your Routine
Networking shouldn't just be something you do at large, intimidating events. Make it a regular, low-stakes habit. The goal is to practice the skill of connection in a more controlled and comfortable environment.
Set a goal to have one virtual coffee chat per week or every two weeks. Reach out to a former colleague, a second-degree connection on LinkedIn whose work you admire, or someone you met briefly at an event. A 20-minute video call is far less daunting than a three-hour cocktail party. This regular practice will build your confidence and your network simultaneously, making those big events feel much less scary when they do come around.
Building a professional network when you dread small talk isn't about becoming someone you're not. It's about leveraging your unique strengths—your thoughtfulness, your curiosity, and your ability to listen—in a strategic way. It's about trading a roomful of shallow interactions for a handful of genuine connections.
By preparing your mindset, your goals, and your questions, you can walk into any room not with dread, but with a quiet confidence and a clear purpose. You have the tools to move from the awkward person in the corner to a valued advocate who builds strong, lasting professional relationships.
Now it's your turn. Which of these tips resonated with you the most? What's one small step you'll take at your next networking opportunity? Share your thoughts in the comments below—I'd love to hear your story!
About the Author
Goh Ling Yong is a content creator and digital strategist sharing insights across various topics. Connect and follow for more content:
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