Top 5 'Big Question' Conversation Starters to introduce for Nurturing Your Child's Inner Philosopher on weekends
The weekend. The word itself promises a break—a chance to recharge, reconnect, and step away from the weekday whirlwind of school, work, and endless to-do lists. Yet, how often do our weekends become just another checklist? Soccer practice, grocery shopping, birthday parties, tuition classes, and maybe, if we’re lucky, a family movie night where everyone stares at the same screen, but not necessarily at each other.
We fill our children’s time with activities designed to enrich them—sports for physical health, music for creativity, extra lessons for academic success. These are all wonderful things. But in our rush to build their resumes, we sometimes forget to build their character, their curiosity, and their ability to grapple with the world's beautiful, messy complexity. We miss the pockets of time—in the car, over a simple meal, or during a walk in the park—that are perfect for nurturing their inner philosopher.
This is where "Big Questions" come in. These are not questions with simple, Google-able answers. They are open-ended, thought-provoking prompts that invite your child to explore their values, exercise their empathy, and strengthen their critical thinking muscles. It’s a chance to see the world through their eyes and for them to understand that their thoughts and opinions truly matter. So, this weekend, let’s trade a little bit of the hustle for some heartfelt, mind-expanding conversation. Here are five of my favourite "Big Question" starters to get you going.
1. What makes a person a ‘good’ friend?
At first glance, this question seems simple. But peel back the layers, and you’ll find it’s a profound exploration of ethics, loyalty, and human relationships. For a young child, the answer might be "Someone who shares their toys." For a tween, it could be "Someone who doesn't talk about you behind your back." Both answers are valid starting points for a much deeper conversation about the values we hold dear.
This question moves beyond abstract concepts of "good" and "bad" and grounds them in the reality of your child's social world. It allows you to understand what they prioritise in a relationship: Is it fun and laughter? Unwavering loyalty? Kindness? Honesty, even when it’s difficult? By listening without judgment, you create a safe space for them to articulate their social and moral compass. This is a foundational skill for building healthy relationships throughout their entire lives.
Tips for the Conversation:
- Validate first, probe second: Whatever their initial answer, start with, "That's a really interesting point. I can see why sharing is important to you." This shows you're listening and value their perspective.
- Use gentle follow-ups: Encourage them to dig deeper. You could ask:
- "Can someone still be a good friend even if they make a mistake?"
- "Is it more important for a friend to be fun or to be honest?"
- "What's one thing a friend has done that made you feel really happy or supported?"
- Share your own perspective: Model vulnerability by sharing what you value in your own friendships. For example, "For me, a good friend is someone I can call even when I've had a bad day, and they just listen."
2. If you could create one rule that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be and why?
This is a fantastic exercise in imagination, empathy, and systems thinking. It elevates your child from a rule-follower to a rule-creator, forcing them to consider the impact of a single action on a global scale. This question often reveals what your child sees as the biggest problem in the world, whether it's unkindness, pollution, or injustice. Their answer is a window into their developing sense of fairness and their hopes for a better world.
The magic of this question lies in the "why." A child might say, "Everyone has to be nice to each other." The "why" is where the critical thinking happens. Why is being nice so important? What would the world look like if that rule existed? What would the unintended consequences be? This conversation teaches them to think beyond the immediate and consider the ripple effects of actions and policies, a skill crucial for responsible citizenship. Here on the Goh Ling Yong blog, we believe that nurturing this kind of empathetic, big-picture thinking is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
Tips for the Conversation:
- Explore the consequences: Once they’ve stated their rule, playfully challenge them to think it through. "Okay, the rule is everyone has to share their food. What happens if one person bakes a cake for their family, and a stranger asks for the whole thing? How would we solve that?"
- Focus on the positive intent: Even if their rule is a bit silly ("Everyone must eat ice cream on Tuesdays!"), focus on the value behind it. "Ah, so your rule is about making sure everyone has moments of joy and fun. I love that!"
- Connect it to the real world: You can link their ideas to real-world laws or social norms. "Your rule about not littering is so important. That's why we have laws and fines, to encourage everyone to protect our planet."
3. Is it more important to be happy or to be right?
Get ready for some delightful mental gymnastics! This question presents a classic dilemma that philosophers have debated for centuries, but it’s perfectly accessible to a child. It forces them to weigh two deeply held values against each other. Is personal contentment more valuable than objective truth? Is it better to win an argument or preserve a friendship?
This conversation is a brilliant tool for developing emotional intelligence. It helps your child understand that sometimes, insisting on being "right" can come at a high emotional cost to themselves and others. It introduces the nuance that life isn't always about winning or losing, but about navigating complex social situations with grace and wisdom. Discussing this can help them manage conflict, practice compromise, and understand that different people can have different, equally valid, priorities.
Tips for the Conversation:
- Use a relatable scenario: Frame the question with a simple story. "Imagine you and your friend are building a LEGO castle. You know the tower should be square, and your friend insists it should be round. Is it more important to prove your way is 'right' or to have fun building the castle together, even if it’s round?"
- Acknowledge there's no single answer: This is key. Say, "This is a tricky one, and there's no perfect answer. Sometimes it might be one, and sometimes the other." This teaches them to be comfortable with ambiguity.
- Ask about feelings: Guide them to think about the emotional side. "How does it feel in your body when you know you're right but you let it go to make someone else happy? How does it feel when you win an argument but your friend is upset?"
4. What is the bravest thing a person can do?
Children are often fed a diet of superhero bravery—fighting monsters, saving cities, and possessing superhuman strength. This question is an opportunity to redefine and expand their understanding of courage. It helps them see that bravery isn't just about the absence of fear; it's about acting despite it. It's about moral, social, and emotional courage, which are often far more difficult and impactful than physical feats.
Their answers can be incredibly insightful. They might talk about standing up to a bully, admitting when they’ve made a mistake, trying something new they know they won't be good at, or simply telling someone the truth. From my experience, both personally and through the families I connect with via Goh Ling Yong's platform, these conversations can powerfully affirm a child’s own quiet acts of courage. It tells them that being brave enough to apologize is just as heroic as scoring the winning goal.
Tips for the Conversation:
- Differentiate between bravery and recklessness: Gently guide the conversation. "Is it brave to jump off a high wall, or is that just risky? What's the difference?" This helps them understand that true courage is often thoughtful, not impulsive.
- Celebrate different kinds of courage: Brainstorm a list together. Bravery can be:
- Physical: Trying a new, difficult move in gymnastics.
- Social: Sitting with a new kid at lunch who is all alone.
- Emotional: Telling a parent you're feeling sad or scared.
- Intellectual: Asking a question in class when you're worried others might think it's silly.
- Share stories of quiet heroes: Talk about historical figures like Rosa Parks or everyday people who showed immense moral courage. This broadens their catalogue of heroes beyond the caped crusaders.
5. If all your memories were erased, would you still be you?
This is a more abstract question, perhaps better suited for slightly older children (8 and up), but it can be adapted for younger ones. It is a gateway to one of the biggest philosophical questions of all: What is the "self"? What makes you, you? Is it your experiences and memories? Your body? Your personality? Your relationships with others?
This conversation encourages incredible introspection. It prompts your child to think about their own identity beyond their name or their hobbies. It allows them to consider the invisible threads—memories, feelings, and connections—that weave together to form the fabric of their being. While it’s a deep topic, approaching it with a sense of wonder and curiosity can be a beautiful bonding experience. It shows your child that you are interested in not just what they do, but who they fundamentally are.
Tips for the Conversation:
- Simplify for younger kids: For a 5- or 6-year-old, you could rephrase it: "What are the most important things that make you, YOU? If you couldn't remember your favourite toy, would you still be the same person?"
- Use a movie or book reference: The movie Inside Out is a perfect reference point. "Remember how Riley started to change when her core memories were lost? Do you think we are made of our memories?"
- Don't rush to an answer: The goal isn't to solve the puzzle of consciousness over dessert. The goal is to marvel at the mystery together. End the conversation with, "Wow, that's a huge thing to think about, isn't it? I'm not even sure I know the answer." This models intellectual humility and a lifelong love of learning.
The Start of a Beautiful Conversation
The point of these "Big Questions" is not to receive a "correct" answer. The real magic happens in the shared exploration—the back-and-forth, the "I never thought of it that way," and the comfortable silence as you both ponder a new idea. It transforms mundane moments into opportunities for profound connection.
These conversations send a powerful message to your child: Your mind is a fascinating place, and I love exploring it with you. It builds a foundation of trust and open communication that will become invaluable as they navigate the even more complex questions of their teenage and adult years.
So, this weekend, I challenge you to pick one. Just one. During the drive to the supermarket or while waiting for the pizza to bake, toss out a "Big Question" and see where it takes you. You might be surprised by the wisdom, humour, and depth residing in that little philosopher sitting right next to you.
Which question will you try this weekend? I’d love to hear how it goes. Share your experiences and any other "Big Questions" your family loves in the comments below!
About the Author
Goh Ling Yong is a content creator and digital strategist sharing insights across various topics. Connect and follow for more content:
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