Top 7 'Big-Feeling-Busting' Skills to teach for toddlers Before Preschool
The supermarket meltdown. The tantrum over the blue cup when they clearly asked for the blue cup. The sudden, floor-thumping rage because a sock feels "wrong." If you're parenting a toddler, you're not just a parent; you're an on-call negotiator, a feelings-translator, and a professional deep-breathing coach, all rolled into one. These huge, overwhelming emotions are a normal part of toddlerhood, but they can leave us parents feeling exhausted and helpless.
Here's the good news: these moments aren't just chaos. They are golden opportunities. Every tantrum is a chance to teach a crucial life skill—emotional regulation. As your little one gears up for the big wide world of preschool, equipping them with the tools to understand and manage their "big feelings" is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It's more fundamental than knowing their ABCs or how to count to ten. It’s the foundation for making friends, learning in a group, and building resilience for years to come.
So, how do we transform those tear-filled tornadoes into teachable moments? It’s about being proactive, not just reactive. It’s about building a toolkit of "big-feeling-busting" skills that your child can draw on when they're feeling overwhelmed. Let's dive into seven practical, powerful skills you can start teaching your toddler today to prepare them for preschool and beyond.
1. Name It to Tame It: Building an Emotional Vocabulary
Before a child can manage a feeling, they need to know what it is. Imagine trying to solve a problem without having any words to describe it—that’s what a toddler experiences. They feel a massive, confusing surge inside, and their only outlets are often physical: screaming, hitting, or crying. By giving these feelings a name, you give your child power over them. The act of labeling an emotion helps the brain’s logical prefrontal cortex connect with the emotional amygdala, which is the first step toward self-regulation.
You are your child's "feelings narrator." When they are red-faced and stomping because their block tower fell, get down on their level and say, "You are so frustrated right now! It's so frustrating when your tower falls down." When they're crying because a friend is leaving, you can say, "You feel sad that playtime is over. It's hard to say goodbye." You aren't fixing the problem; you're validating the emotion. You're showing them that what they feel is real, it has a name, and it's okay to feel it.
Actionable Tips:
- Narrate Your Own Feelings: Model emotional language in your everyday life. "I feel so happy when we read books together," or "I'm feeling a little frustrated because I can't find my keys."
- Use Visual Aids: Get a set of "feeling faces" cards or print some from the internet. In a calm moment, look at them together. "This face looks surprised! What does your surprised face look like?"
- Read All About It: Books are a fantastic way to explore emotions. Look for stories where characters experience different feelings and talk about what's happening. Ask questions like, "How do you think the little bear is feeling right now?"
2. Master the 'Belly Breath': A Simple Calming Technique
When a big feeling hits, a toddler's body goes into fight-or-flight mode. Their heart races, their breathing gets shallow, and logic goes right out the window. Teaching a simple, physical calming technique like deep breathing can be a game-changer. It activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which acts like a brake on that stress response, helping their body and mind calm down.
Of course, you can't just tell a two-year-old to "take a deep breath" in the middle of a tantrum. You have to make it a game and practice when they are calm and happy. Frame it in a fun, playful way they can understand. The key is to practice, practice, practice during peaceful times, so the skill is ready to be accessed when the storm hits.
Actionable Tips:
- Smell the Flower, Blow the Candle: Hold up a finger. "Let's pretend this is a beautiful flower. Smell it!" (Guide them to take a slow, deep breath in through their nose). "Now, let's pretend it's a birthday candle. Blow it out!" (Guide them to exhale slowly through their mouth).
- Dragon Breaths: "Let's be mighty dragons! Take a big breath in and then BREATHE FIRE!" (Exhale loudly). This can be a great way to release angry energy.
- Belly Buddies: Have your child lie on their back and place a small stuffed animal on their belly. "Watch your belly buddy go for a ride. Take a big breath in and make your buddy go up, up, up to the sky. Now breathe out and let him slide back down."
3. Create a 'Calm-Down Corner': A Safe Space to Reset
Let's be clear: a "Calm-Down Corner" is not a time-out chair. A time-out is often seen as a punishment, a place of isolation. A Calm-Down Corner is the opposite. It’s a safe, cozy, and inviting space that a child can go to by choice when they feel overwhelmed. It's a place to reset, not a place to be sent. The goal is to teach them to recognize their own need for a break and empower them to take it.
Introduce the space during a calm moment. "This is our cozy corner. When you feel super mad or sad and your body feels out of control, you can come here to help your body feel calm and safe again." Fill it with comforting items that appeal to the senses. It should be a positive space that helps them regulate, so they can eventually rejoin the group, ready to problem-solve.
Actionable Tips:
- Location, Location, Location: Choose a quiet, low-traffic corner of a main room (not their bedroom, which should be reserved for sleep).
- Stock It with Soothing Tools:
- Soft pillows and a comfy blanket.
- A favorite stuffed animal for cuddling.
- A few calming books with simple pictures.
- A sensory "calm-down" bottle (a sealed bottle with water, glitter, and oil).
- A squeezable stress ball or piece of play-doh.
- Model It: When you feel overwhelmed, you can say, "Mommy is feeling a little frustrated. I'm going to go take five deep breaths in the cozy corner to help my body calm down."
4. Swap Screams for Words: Teaching Functional Communication
So much of toddler frustration stems from an inability to communicate their wants and needs. They know what they want, but the words get stuck, and the frustration explodes into a scream, a hit, or a thrown toy. One of our biggest jobs is to be their scriptwriter, giving them the simple, functional words they need to navigate their social world.
As we often discuss on the Goh Ling Yong blog, giving children the right words is like handing them a superpower. When your child snatches a toy, instead of just saying "No grabbing!" you can model the alternative. Get down on their level, hold the toy, and say, "You wanted the truck. You can say, 'My turn, please?'" Have them practice the words with you. This takes endless repetition, but slowly and surely, the new verbal pathway will become stronger than the old physical one.
Actionable Tips:
- Provide Simple Scripts: Give them the exact words to use in common situations.
- "Help, please."
- "My turn?"
- "All done."
- "I don't like that."
- Play 'Puppet Problems': Use puppets or dolls to act out common conflicts. Have one puppet snatch a toy and the other puppet practice using their words to solve the problem.
- Acknowledge the Attempt: When they try to use their words, even if it's a garbled mess, praise the effort enthusiastically! "I love how you used your words to ask for that!"
5. Practice the 'Do-Over': Forgiving Mistakes and Finding Solutions
Toddlers are going to get it wrong. They're going to push, grab, and yell. That's how they learn. The "do-over" is a gentle, respectful technique that focuses on teaching the right way to do something, rather than just punishing the wrong way. It communicates that mistakes are fixable and gives your child an immediate opportunity to succeed.
Let's say your child shoves their sibling to get to a toy. Your first instinct might be to issue a time-out. Instead, try a do-over. You can say calmly, "Oops! We use gentle hands with our sister. Let's have a do-over. Come back here, and let's try walking around her to get the toy." This approach is collaborative, not confrontational. It honors their original intention (getting the toy) while teaching a more appropriate way to achieve it.
Actionable Tips:
- Keep it Quick and Neutral: The do-over should happen immediately after the misstep. Use a calm, neutral tone. It's not a lecture; it's a quick reset.
- Focus on One Skill: Don't try to correct everything at once. In the shoving example, the focus is on "gentle hands and bodies," not on sharing or taking turns. Tackle one skill at a time.
- Celebrate the Success: When they complete the do-over correctly, give them a high-five or a simple, "Nice job! That was a much safer way to get your toy."
6. Build Empathy 101: Seeing from Another's View
Empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of another—is the bedrock of kindness and strong social skills. For toddlers, this is a budding concept. They are naturally egocentric, and that's developmentally appropriate. But we can start planting the seeds of empathy by helping them notice the feelings of others and connect actions to consequences.
This is done through simple narration. When you see another child crying at the park, you can whisper, "Oh, look. He fell down and hurt his knee. He looks so sad." You're not expecting your toddler to rush over and fix it, but you're training their brain to notice and label the emotional states of others.
Actionable Tips:
- Connect Actions to Feelings: When your child's actions affect someone else, state the connection simply. "You hit Tommy with the block. Look at his face. He is crying. Hitting hurts and makes him feel sad."
- Involve Them in 'Fixing' It: After an incident, guide them in making amends. "Tommy is sad. Let's see if getting him his teddy bear would help him feel better." This teaches repair and responsibility.
- Talk About Characters in Books: When reading, pause and ask, "How do you think that character feels?" "Why is she smiling?" This is a safe, low-stakes way to practice perspective-taking.
7. Flex the 'Wait-a-Minute' Muscle: Practicing Patience
Preschool is a world of waiting. Waiting for a turn on the slide, waiting in line for a snack, waiting for the teacher to help you. A child who has never had to wait for anything is in for a rude awakening. We can help them build their "patience muscle" (or ability to delay gratification) in small, manageable ways at home.
Start small and build up. Instead of immediately handing over the snack they demand, you can say, "Okay! I just need to wash my hands first, and then I'll get your crackers." You're not denying them; you're just inserting a small, manageable wait time and narrating the process. This helps them learn that their needs will be met, just not always instantaneously.
Actionable Tips:
- Use a Visual Timer: For longer waits, a visual sand timer or a countdown on your phone can make the abstract concept of "five minutes" concrete and less frustrating. "When all the sand is at the bottom, it will be your turn."
- Play Waiting Games: Games like "Red Light, Green Light" and "Simon Says" are fantastic, fun ways to practice impulse control and waiting for a cue.
- Narrate the Sequence: Use "first/then" language frequently. "First, we put away the blocks, then we can go outside." This helps their brain understand order and predictability, making waiting feel safer.
The Journey, Not the Destination
Teaching your toddler to manage their big feelings is not about creating a child who never gets angry or sad. It's about giving them healthy, constructive ways to express those feelings. It’s a messy, imperfect process that requires an ocean of patience and a mountain of repetition. There will be good days and there will be days when you feel like you're right back at square one. That’s okay.
Every time you get down on their level, validate their frustration, and guide them through a belly breath, you are wiring their brain for emotional resilience. You are giving them a priceless gift that will serve them in preschool, on the playground, and for the rest of their lives.
What are your go-to strategies for helping your toddler with their big feelings? Share your best tips in the comments below—we can all learn from each other! For more expert parenting strategies from Goh Ling Yong and our team, be sure to subscribe to our newsletter. You’ve got this.
About the Author
Goh Ling Yong is a content creator and digital strategist sharing insights across various topics. Connect and follow for more content:
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